Abuse survivor: Pope, clean up the church

Finally. Finally. Finally, a strong important voice in the world, the United Nations, speaks out on behalf of the rights of children and condemns the Vatican and the bishops for crimes of violence, rape and sexual abuse against children by transferring pedophile priests from parish to parish, withholding documents for prosecution and perpetuating an institutional culture of secrecy and shame.

What's truly shameful is that the Catholic Church was not itself that strong and important voice, protecting "the least of these." It's shameful that in spite of Pope Francis' refreshing compassion toward the poor and downtrodden, to date he has not addressed the issue fully. Pope Francis is caught up in the shame and like most of his brother bishops, seems unwilling to say, "Enough is enough -- not ever again in our church will one of these little children be harmed."

The media have said the church is suffering from a "code of secrecy." Kirsten Sandberg, the chairwoman of the United Nations, put it this way: "We think it is a horrible thing that is being kept silent both by the Holy See itself and in local parishes. "

As a survivor of rape and violence at the hands of a priest when I was a young girl, I understand that secrecy.

I went silent at age 7 and became a part of the secret code that no one could unlock in me, because there were always pieces missing. For the rest of my childhood I really wasn't there. I split and left a part of me behind in shame and secrecy.

It has taken me more than half a lifetime to piece myself back together. I was 52 years old and still captivated by the Catholic Church when I let the buried "secret" memories emerge. His name was Father Rucker -- George Neville Rucker. I must have trusted him when he asked me to crawl up on his lap as he sat watching a movie in an auditorium so long ago. He raped me while my mother was in the lunchroom nearby.

The tragedy here -- among others -- is that Mom died before I was strong enough to tell her about that terrible day. We missed out on conversations about intimacy and love because I would always shut down and disconnect. Rape robbed me and my family of so much that mattered -- like truth and honesty between us.

After high school at age 18, I entered the convent of the Religious of the Sacred Heart of Mary in Santa Barbara, California, and remained there as a nun for 15 years. Detaching from the destructive invasion of Father Rucker into my body and soul allowed me to hold onto God and to the sisters I loved. Very simply, that is how I was able over half a lifetime to remain in the Catholic Church until the day I awakened to the tragedy of the little girl whom I once was.
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